14.9km getting worse yet better!

The title may sound strange but exactly describes my cycling!  I got up early this morning in a slight a bad mood with hubby :-/ (he says I spend too much time on the computer...to be fair he is probably right!) and decided I was going to cycle as far away from home as my little legs would carry me. 

It started off well and I had wrapped up with loads off layers since it was only 8.30am and it was raining :-s but still I went and surely that is worth brownie points!  I enjoyed the first bit, adrenaline probably factored in too due my upset, but soon that turned to tears of real upset as being on my own always makes me think about things and a realisation that 2 years ago today I spoke to my mum properly for the very last time......ever! 

Saturday will be 2 years to the day since she passed away and it hurts the same now as it did then.  I thought about my hubby and how you never know what life is going to deal you, life is too short for anger and holding a grudge so I stopped my bike got my phone out and phoned hubby to say sorry. 

I was at about 7km from home along the Brandon/Bishop Aukland route.......and it made me think more about how sad in myself I am actually feeling.......I am upset at what is happening to my body and there is nothing I can do about it......not that many of my friends read this, and to be honest its not like I got anything to hide.....at the ripe old age of 32 I am going through the early menopause :-(  Its not like I wanted more kids or anything but it still hurts to think my body is a dud and I am going through things that a 50 year old women should be going through really makes me feel like crap and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it!! :-((  That doubled with the anniversary of my mum, is making me feel pretty pants!

I kept riding a bit further and the more my mind was running riot the more I felt like all I wanted was a cuddle from hubby and to be sat at home where I could no longer think about all the sad things.....I am too busy for that!!  Why am I blogging it..who knows...........back to the ride. 

So, as you've gathered 14.9 km is worse than the distances I have previously completed which to be honest isn't very good, yet I think the hills on the route I took today were way steeper and I am proud to say I managed all of them except one on the way back at broompark picnic area and even then I got halfway  up which on the first ride I ever did was an impossibility so it means I am getting better albeit slowly :-) 

I have decided that I need to get some better shoes for cycling, because my feet were wet and some long fingered cycling gloves because my fingers were in pain!  I have decided I also need a cycling buddy for the odd occassion because I think too much lol.  I think a buddy would help me to increase my speed and distance because sometimes I go into my own world and forget what I am actually supposed to be doing :-/

I think thats enough of my sorry state today at least I went out and I wasnt in as much pain as Tuesday.............onwards and upwards as they say xx  Love you Mum xx